Walk down any supermarket aisle and you’ll find packaging frantically promoting its protein credentials at you. From wholegrain muesli bars to far more baffling suspects like boutique pasta and water, a high-protein alternative is never more than an arm’s reach away.

Usually there is a giant, aggressive graphic bubble boasting the word ‘Protein’ proudly pointing to 10g, 17g, or – I’m sure somewhere – 50g of the stuff packed into products that have zero business being protein-centric.

And that’s simply because – in my uneducated opinion – marketing executives have ordered that everything has to fit into the protein bucket right now.

Therefore… We are in the ‘protein’ fad!

Cast your mind back a decade, and we were drowning in the dairy-free and gluten-free crazes. If you grew up in the ’90s, you’ll remember the dark ages of the “fat-free” obsession – where companies replaced healthy fats with cancer-causing sludge. Then came the sugar-free purge, where Coke Zero – or rather Coke No Sugar nowadays – emerged victorious from the low-calorie trenches.

Today, it’s no longer just supersized bodybuilders aggressively scanning nutrition labels by the dairy fridge. Its not Massive Joes helping you get gains after your 30-minute weight session. It’s the place where you get carrots.

With influencers misinterpreting data for a click… maybe this explains it: your body actually uses roughly 20% to 30% of the calories you consume from protein just to digest and metabolise it, whereas fat only burns about 0% to 3% – So for many, they’re told this translates to ‘If I slap a 15g protein badge onto this chocolate fudge breakfast muffin, it practically qualifies as cardio’. Then, with everyone with a phone a nutritionist, we hear endless talk about essential amino acids, cellular repair, satiety, and weight loss hacks paired with the word “protein”.

As such, when doing your weekly shop now, everything from produce to dairy isn’t safe from the hysteria, with protein-branded varieties placed at eye height and their non-protein-promoted yet still protein-containing regular counterparts pushed to the back. Even avocados have rebranded their image, jackfruit is masquerading as pork, and dried fruits are boasting high levels of “protein-ness” when paired with Greek yoghurt. While there is a tiny bit of respite in the produce section, good luck finding a single tub of yogurt that doesn’t scream its gram count across the lid.

We now inhabit a world of “functional” high protein banana bread bites sitting in shiny foil wrappers down the ultra-processed snack aisle.

At this rate, supermarkets will stop organising shelves by food groups altogether. No more ‘Aisle 4: Pasta & Sauces’ or ‘Aisle 7: Laundry Detergent’; instead, everything will be organised entirely by its nitrogen content. You’ll browse ‘Aisle 12: 5g to 15g of Protein’, and your social status will depend strictly on which shelf height your budget permits – kind of like free-range eggs.

So, what’s next on the dietary roulette wheel? Will it be fibre? Are we going to see aggressively branded potato crisps? Or will sugar stage an audacious comeback as an all-natural, vintage energy alternative? Maybe creatine will make its way into boxed cereal, or electrolytes will be blasted into sandwich bread. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised to discover a brand of nappies boasting “micro-infused protein fibers” to seduce sleep-deprived gym parents.

Either way, the grocery floor is drowning in protein mania, but if you’re already eating a varied, balanced diet, obsessing over single-macro hyperinflation on a packet of biscuits is entirely absurd. Eat your greens, enjoy your fruit, eat your eggs, tofu or meat, and cover your basic food groups.

You don’t need an exclamation mark on a loaf of sliced white bread to survive the week.